The Notebook
I'm still sitting by the graveyard, I've been coming here everyday for the last month, I can't get over him, and that's what has me in this big mess. As time passes by, I began reading the notebook Dr. Tourette gave me, there are many really sad poems, some quotations of Edgar Allan Poe, and other dark poets, but there is this story that shocked me:
"The True meaning of happiness"
There was once a little girl, who was traveling around the world, she, was looking for the true meaning of happiness. This girl couldn't smile, laugh, nor giggle.
She started to travel around the world, in order to find out why she and only she couldn't be happy.
That’s when she left home, carrying only one backpack, in it she had just one clothes change, one dictionary, some money and one guide, with it she left home. She was starting her trip when she decided she’d first go to the park, so she headed to the nearest park.
She saw all the park empty, all the kids were gone, she suddenly thought that kids probably were at school; on her way to the school she saw a dog that was running away, the dog was crossing a street in order to get to the girl. She was conscious of the danger of crossing a street running and with out any precaution, the dog was hit by a car and died, after the dog was a kid, who saw the way the dog had died. The girl saw her opportunity and asked the boy what made him happy, the boy sobbing answered
- The only thing hat made me happy has now died.
The girl started walking away and traveling in each town she encountered, she headed to parks, but they were all empty, she headed to schools, but they were all destroyed. But when she finally found some one she asked
–What makes you happy?- She received lots of answers, but they were only empty words, she heard things like: My toys, my pet, my books, my TV, my school, my computer, my friends, but, what if all this suddenly disappeared? Will they be eternally sad? Therefore, she kept her way looking for an answer that would apply every day, every time and every one.
She found in one of the many cities one girl with big eyes and small mouth, when she saw her she asked her name by saying
- Hi I'm - she was thinking of a name when she realized her name didn't matter so she keep by saying -I'm a girl who has no name who are you?
The other girl looked at the girl with no name and answered.
-My name is Fatima, what can I do for you?-
The girl with no name asked her question -Fatima, what makes you happy?-
Fatima looked at the girl with no name and said -What kind of question is that? If you don't know what happiness is why do you ask what makes me happy?
The girl with no name started thinking the true meaning of happiness, so she sat at a swing and stared at her feet, wondering the true meaning of happiness.
Sometime after that Fatima sat with her and said -The meaning of happiness is hidden on your heart, the meaning of happiness is unique for each human being, I am happy for the simple reason of being alive. What makes you happy? –
The girl with no name answered- I'm happy because one of you human being has finally answered my question, I have been here on Earth several centuries, asking every kid what made him happy, but they always answered things like: my dog, my skates, my school, my toys, my T.V., but you, you Fatima, you have ended my search, you are happy just by being you.
I couldn’t think of anything this girl was like wow. I turned the sheet to read the next entry, it was empty, meaning I should write my own entry, I began thinking and suddenly it hit me.
I took out my pen and began writing.
Waiting
I'm here waiting for you to come back
Just sitting here in the graveyard
I'm sitting here, wondering
Why you'll never come back?
Why, why you left me alone?
In a gravestone I can read
"A lovers never fulfilled dream"
I'm waiting here, thinking
When will you come for me?
The day you died was the best,
It was the day our dreams came true
But hell tore us apart
Hell won't leave us be happy together
Forgive me my love
For it's my fault you're down there
Today is cloudy, but it won't rain
It used to rain every time we dated
It used to pour every time we kissed
It’s cloudy today, sun won't come out
It's cloudy but rain won't fall
I'm here walking in the graveyard
I sit down by your grave
I clean it, from the dry leaves from that old tree
I'm holding a beautiful white rose
One that was supposed to be on our wedding bouquet
I'm here playing with it wondering
Why did they take you away from me?
Why can't we live happily ever after?
We stay here staring at each other
Warmly, coldly, distantly, lovingly
Our eyes will never meet again
The day you died I died
We had promised each other to be lovers forever
Just as Romeo and Juliet
And just as Juliet committed suicide
When she saw Romeo, dear Romeo dead
To join her beloved Romeo she took her own life away
They couldn't live without the other
Just as we can't
Wait for me my love, my dear Romeo
I'm your Juliet and I’ll join you in death.
-Wally, I must go now- I said as I gathered my things and stood up.
On his grave was half a heart, the left part of a heart.
As I walked down the street heading home, I began thinking all the things that he had suffered since Elementary.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Chapter 4
A shrink
It has been a month now, I’m back at school, I keep wearing black, I feel that color demonstrate what’s inside me now, nothingness, I walk by the school as a zombie, Wally is on every corner, there is a an altar for all those who have died this term, incredibly 3 more guys died, basically the same way Wally did.
Abby, Nigel Hoagie Fanny and Rachel, had been my friends since elementary, they had been helping me get through this torture, they keep talking about stuff and try to cheer me up, but I say nothing I’m slowly walking away, they never talk about Wally, they never liked him, and I guess they think that way I will be the cheerful happy-go girl I used to be.
Abby, is an Franco-American girl, she has dark skin, brown long hair always tied on a French braid, and she always wears a red cap, always since elementary. Nigel is a British guy, he is bald, and wears dark sunglasses. Hoagie is an American boy, he used to be chubby, but he became skinny, he has bluish eyes, brownish hair and he always uses a pilot cap and yellow goggles, thou they are always on top of his cap, and not really on his eyes. Fanny is an Irish girl, she is redheaded and she is really bossy, she always wears a green zip up hooded jacket, and Rachel, she is American too, I guess, ever really cared to ask, she wears a black sweater, and black denim jeans, she is blond and has dark brown eyes.
My friends constantly tell me that I should stop mourning over him; they know I go to the graveyard every day, and that I’m staying at my parent’s. My family has become worried to, surprisingly, they think I don’t pay attention to their reunions, but I do.
I really hate it, parties are thrown everywhere, and my friends are trying to take me there, but I truly only want some sleep and think of Wally, it has been now 1month, that was the day I thought all my dreams will come true, and the day all my dreams were crushed by reality. Once again I’m sitting here at the graveyard, this time I am not the only one, there are many families here, singing songs and weird stuff, they are telling some legends and stuff. “The Kid” is a friend of mine, I met him the same day I met Wally, he has Mexican roots, he once explained that on Halloween they go to the graveyard because on November 1st, Dia de Muertos, is celebrated, it’s a weird tradition where they sing songs, and tell anecdotes of the one that they came to visit, Nov. 1st and 2nd they come to be with them. I think I’ll ask him more of this weird tradition; he might be able to help me heal my pain away.
My parents came to take me out of the graveyard; they must be really concerned, other wise they would have sent Rose.
-Kuki – my mom said – we think that it’s better if you see some professional, because you have been all depressed lately, and ok we get that Wally was the best guy for you, but, things happen for a reason, and well we think that you should see a shrink.
My eyes widened at that last part, but I remained quiet, it was as if someone had cut my tongue I hold onto a loosen rock on Wally’s grave, I hadn’t noticed that before, my brothers, appeared right behind my parents, and Mushi came too, with Sandy holding her hand, they both had a cocky smile plastered on their faces.
My brothers helped me up, my father who was by my mother went to get the car, Mushi and Sandy kept whispering with each other and kissing and all that mushy things they do. I bet they do that on purpose right in front of me, like saying, “look, I still have someone to love, that loves me back, and he isn’t rotten like yours”.
My brothers helped me to stand, Ryoichi, saw that I wasn’t planning to move, so he and Jiro exchanged worried looks, Takeshi walked by my side, and carried me as if I was a sack of potatoes, Jiro took my backpack, and Ryoichi helped my mom, I began crying once again, I couldn’t understand why they have become so worried over the past month.
I’m sitting on the lobby of a medical institution, I’m going to talk to a shrink, mom said something about policemen that were going to see who killed Wally, and since I’m the only witness, they want me to testify but, I can’t remember a thing.
I feel a knot on my throat I might began crying again, I’ve cried so much this last month, you could think I’ve got no more tears to cry.
-Kuki Sanban – a voice said I looked up – Doctor Tourette will see you now.
I stood up, and entered the doctor’s office, it’s a circular room, filled with what you could say is one bog bookshelf that covered the whole room, it has two doors and a big window, but except for that all the room is filled with books, it has also a small desk near the window, with two chairs, a couch that’s also by the window, and a piano, that is in the middle of the room, I began walking by the wall, examining the office, Dr. Tourette hadn’t arrived yet, as I began observing the room I noticed there were about 6 ticking clocks each one with a complete different hour, there were also 5 calendars, that were also inaccurate, there were also fairies and dragons hanging by the ceiling, and a cellar that allowed light to get to the office. I saw a girl about Ryoichi’s age get inside, she was wearing a black blouse, and jeans, she had her doctor’s robe on, she had short silvery hair, brown eyes, and thin facial features.
She sat herself on one of the chairs by the desk, watching me, she hadn’t said a word, she watches me moving through her office, reading the titles of the books, I can’t go there and sit myself this office is nothing I had expected, all this books, they don’t seem to be medical books, there are more literature books, one book caught my attention particularly, it’s a medium sized book, lined with black leather, it has golden letters.
-Feel free to take any book and read it.
I took it out of the shelf and read the title, “Romeo and Juliet”, I put it back in, and keep examining the books, I also took “The Raven”, “Stories of a Twisted Mind”, and “The New Emperor”, all of them went back to the shelf. I took out another book, it was a thick book, more like a notebook, it was falling apart, but for some reason I felt magnetized to it. I opened it, and began scanning it.
-That’s a poetry book, every time it’s touched, I ask the one who touched it to write a poem at the last sheet, without reading the others.
I nodded and went by the piano, I sat down and kept staring at the keys, I could still feel her gaze on my neck, it was as if she tried to read my mind. She keeps analyzing every single move do, I hate it. I roll up the sleeves of my jacket; I have been wearing black since that day, I began playing a song we used to play together, just a few notes from the intro.
-Mercedes’ Lullaby – she said – from Pan’s Labyrinth
Who is she; I nod my head and keep playing, the poetry book rests on my lap.
-I haven’t introduced myself – she says suddenly – I’m Faith Psyche Tourette.
I keep staring at the keys, she already knows my name, so I don’t have to bother introducing myself. She keeps smiling a gentle smile, she seems to have been with a lot of wackos, I don’t need a shrink; there is no need for me to stay here, I’m not crazy, I’m just sad, Wally was everything for me.
-You don’t need to talk I know what you are thinking, don’t worry, I don’t think you are crazy, I think you just need time, to think all that changed, I just need you to write the poem or story I asked you before, you can take the notebook with you, I’ll see you next week at this same time, don’t be late. – I just nod and walk away book in hand.
My family was there waiting for me, I look up at Jiro, letting him know that I’ll walk home, he nodded and went home, the rest o the Sanban Clan is already home, I walk gloomily towards the graveyard, I need to think alone, and at home they won’t let me.
As I turned in Madison’s street I saw Abby, she was waiting for me.
-Hey Kuki
I waved hi, in a I’m-not-in-the-mood way
-You know
I looked up (since I was looking at my feet)
-I’m getting sick of your non-speaking mood and your “I’ll avoid everyone on the world because my dear Romeo died.” –
I felt my rage rising, my blood boiling
-You are driving us Lizzie, Nigel, Hoagie, Rachel, Fanny, and me crazy. –
She paused a bit, I clenched my fist under my oversized black zip up jacket, I’ve used it all month, but she kept talking
– Not only that, you are also pushing us away, you should stop mourning over that idiot.
That was it I looked at her frowning, my fists clenching harder, I could feel my body tensing, and tears forming on my eyes.
- He is dead and there is nothing you can do about it, you can’t bring him back, and…
She didn’t got the chance to finish that sentence. Because I grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and began shaking her, - I CAN’T BEILIVE YOU! – My rage disappeared I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, it felt like Wally’s hand I kept yelling but I released Abby – YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE MEANT TO ME, SPECIALLY YOU ABBY, KNOW ALL THE TIME I TOOK TO TELL HIM HOW I FELT FOR HIM, YOU KNOW ALL WE HAD TO FIGHT, - I calmed down released Abby, but kept screaming – YOU KNOW THAT MY FAMILY NEVER APREVED HIM, YOU DIDN’T APROVED HIM EITHER, HE WAS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH – my throat ached a lot, after I hadn’t spoken a single word, I began yelling at my best friend, I look down and began whispering – you didn’t even join me to his last good bye, you never lend me your shoulder to cry his death, you disappeared those first weeks, - I really didn’t mean all that, but it was to late now – so, WHY DON’T YOU DISAPPEAR AS YOU DID BEFORE AND LEAVE ME AWAY – I said and began running to the graveyard, I was crying again, from anger this time.
I sat beside Wally, and bean telling him everything that had happened over the past month.
-Oh Wally, wish you were here; I need you so much.
-I’m here Kooks, you don’t have to worry anymore, I’ll protect you, I’ll never leave you alone – the wind whispered on my ear, I knew it was Wally thou.
I stand up and kept crying hugging myself, I felt someone hugging me, I looked up, there he was, Wally.
-Wally. – I said he shushed me his warm arms around my waist, his muscular chest pressed against mine, his head resting on my shoulder, we sat down and it began raining really hard.
I fell asleep after a few moments.
The next morning
I woke up with the sun on my eyes, I incorporated to the world and stretched my self, I suddenly realize I was at the graveyard, besides me was a orange Rainbow Monkey that seemed old, Mr. Teddy, I hadn’t seen him in 8 years, Wally had stolen it. I was also covered with a baby blue blanket that once belonged to Wally, but the most unbelievable of all, was that I was wearing his tux’s jacket, the one he was wearing on his burial, I jumped out of “bed” and shook my head, I closed my eyes, and opened once again, the jacket, and the blanket had disappeared, but Mr. Teddy was still there, holding a white rose. I smiled at Wally. And took Mr. Teddy, hugging him I sat again by Wally’s grave.
It has been a month now, I’m back at school, I keep wearing black, I feel that color demonstrate what’s inside me now, nothingness, I walk by the school as a zombie, Wally is on every corner, there is a an altar for all those who have died this term, incredibly 3 more guys died, basically the same way Wally did.
Abby, Nigel Hoagie Fanny and Rachel, had been my friends since elementary, they had been helping me get through this torture, they keep talking about stuff and try to cheer me up, but I say nothing I’m slowly walking away, they never talk about Wally, they never liked him, and I guess they think that way I will be the cheerful happy-go girl I used to be.
Abby, is an Franco-American girl, she has dark skin, brown long hair always tied on a French braid, and she always wears a red cap, always since elementary. Nigel is a British guy, he is bald, and wears dark sunglasses. Hoagie is an American boy, he used to be chubby, but he became skinny, he has bluish eyes, brownish hair and he always uses a pilot cap and yellow goggles, thou they are always on top of his cap, and not really on his eyes. Fanny is an Irish girl, she is redheaded and she is really bossy, she always wears a green zip up hooded jacket, and Rachel, she is American too, I guess, ever really cared to ask, she wears a black sweater, and black denim jeans, she is blond and has dark brown eyes.
My friends constantly tell me that I should stop mourning over him; they know I go to the graveyard every day, and that I’m staying at my parent’s. My family has become worried to, surprisingly, they think I don’t pay attention to their reunions, but I do.
I really hate it, parties are thrown everywhere, and my friends are trying to take me there, but I truly only want some sleep and think of Wally, it has been now 1month, that was the day I thought all my dreams will come true, and the day all my dreams were crushed by reality. Once again I’m sitting here at the graveyard, this time I am not the only one, there are many families here, singing songs and weird stuff, they are telling some legends and stuff. “The Kid” is a friend of mine, I met him the same day I met Wally, he has Mexican roots, he once explained that on Halloween they go to the graveyard because on November 1st, Dia de Muertos, is celebrated, it’s a weird tradition where they sing songs, and tell anecdotes of the one that they came to visit, Nov. 1st and 2nd they come to be with them. I think I’ll ask him more of this weird tradition; he might be able to help me heal my pain away.
My parents came to take me out of the graveyard; they must be really concerned, other wise they would have sent Rose.
-Kuki – my mom said – we think that it’s better if you see some professional, because you have been all depressed lately, and ok we get that Wally was the best guy for you, but, things happen for a reason, and well we think that you should see a shrink.
My eyes widened at that last part, but I remained quiet, it was as if someone had cut my tongue I hold onto a loosen rock on Wally’s grave, I hadn’t noticed that before, my brothers, appeared right behind my parents, and Mushi came too, with Sandy holding her hand, they both had a cocky smile plastered on their faces.
My brothers helped me up, my father who was by my mother went to get the car, Mushi and Sandy kept whispering with each other and kissing and all that mushy things they do. I bet they do that on purpose right in front of me, like saying, “look, I still have someone to love, that loves me back, and he isn’t rotten like yours”.
My brothers helped me to stand, Ryoichi, saw that I wasn’t planning to move, so he and Jiro exchanged worried looks, Takeshi walked by my side, and carried me as if I was a sack of potatoes, Jiro took my backpack, and Ryoichi helped my mom, I began crying once again, I couldn’t understand why they have become so worried over the past month.
I’m sitting on the lobby of a medical institution, I’m going to talk to a shrink, mom said something about policemen that were going to see who killed Wally, and since I’m the only witness, they want me to testify but, I can’t remember a thing.
I feel a knot on my throat I might began crying again, I’ve cried so much this last month, you could think I’ve got no more tears to cry.
-Kuki Sanban – a voice said I looked up – Doctor Tourette will see you now.
I stood up, and entered the doctor’s office, it’s a circular room, filled with what you could say is one bog bookshelf that covered the whole room, it has two doors and a big window, but except for that all the room is filled with books, it has also a small desk near the window, with two chairs, a couch that’s also by the window, and a piano, that is in the middle of the room, I began walking by the wall, examining the office, Dr. Tourette hadn’t arrived yet, as I began observing the room I noticed there were about 6 ticking clocks each one with a complete different hour, there were also 5 calendars, that were also inaccurate, there were also fairies and dragons hanging by the ceiling, and a cellar that allowed light to get to the office. I saw a girl about Ryoichi’s age get inside, she was wearing a black blouse, and jeans, she had her doctor’s robe on, she had short silvery hair, brown eyes, and thin facial features.
She sat herself on one of the chairs by the desk, watching me, she hadn’t said a word, she watches me moving through her office, reading the titles of the books, I can’t go there and sit myself this office is nothing I had expected, all this books, they don’t seem to be medical books, there are more literature books, one book caught my attention particularly, it’s a medium sized book, lined with black leather, it has golden letters.
-Feel free to take any book and read it.
I took it out of the shelf and read the title, “Romeo and Juliet”, I put it back in, and keep examining the books, I also took “The Raven”, “Stories of a Twisted Mind”, and “The New Emperor”, all of them went back to the shelf. I took out another book, it was a thick book, more like a notebook, it was falling apart, but for some reason I felt magnetized to it. I opened it, and began scanning it.
-That’s a poetry book, every time it’s touched, I ask the one who touched it to write a poem at the last sheet, without reading the others.
I nodded and went by the piano, I sat down and kept staring at the keys, I could still feel her gaze on my neck, it was as if she tried to read my mind. She keeps analyzing every single move do, I hate it. I roll up the sleeves of my jacket; I have been wearing black since that day, I began playing a song we used to play together, just a few notes from the intro.
-Mercedes’ Lullaby – she said – from Pan’s Labyrinth
Who is she; I nod my head and keep playing, the poetry book rests on my lap.
-I haven’t introduced myself – she says suddenly – I’m Faith Psyche Tourette.
I keep staring at the keys, she already knows my name, so I don’t have to bother introducing myself. She keeps smiling a gentle smile, she seems to have been with a lot of wackos, I don’t need a shrink; there is no need for me to stay here, I’m not crazy, I’m just sad, Wally was everything for me.
-You don’t need to talk I know what you are thinking, don’t worry, I don’t think you are crazy, I think you just need time, to think all that changed, I just need you to write the poem or story I asked you before, you can take the notebook with you, I’ll see you next week at this same time, don’t be late. – I just nod and walk away book in hand.
My family was there waiting for me, I look up at Jiro, letting him know that I’ll walk home, he nodded and went home, the rest o the Sanban Clan is already home, I walk gloomily towards the graveyard, I need to think alone, and at home they won’t let me.
As I turned in Madison’s street I saw Abby, she was waiting for me.
-Hey Kuki
I waved hi, in a I’m-not-in-the-mood way
-You know
I looked up (since I was looking at my feet)
-I’m getting sick of your non-speaking mood and your “I’ll avoid everyone on the world because my dear Romeo died.” –
I felt my rage rising, my blood boiling
-You are driving us Lizzie, Nigel, Hoagie, Rachel, Fanny, and me crazy. –
She paused a bit, I clenched my fist under my oversized black zip up jacket, I’ve used it all month, but she kept talking
– Not only that, you are also pushing us away, you should stop mourning over that idiot.
That was it I looked at her frowning, my fists clenching harder, I could feel my body tensing, and tears forming on my eyes.
- He is dead and there is nothing you can do about it, you can’t bring him back, and…
She didn’t got the chance to finish that sentence. Because I grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and began shaking her, - I CAN’T BEILIVE YOU! – My rage disappeared I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder, it felt like Wally’s hand I kept yelling but I released Abby – YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE MEANT TO ME, SPECIALLY YOU ABBY, KNOW ALL THE TIME I TOOK TO TELL HIM HOW I FELT FOR HIM, YOU KNOW ALL WE HAD TO FIGHT, - I calmed down released Abby, but kept screaming – YOU KNOW THAT MY FAMILY NEVER APREVED HIM, YOU DIDN’T APROVED HIM EITHER, HE WAS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH – my throat ached a lot, after I hadn’t spoken a single word, I began yelling at my best friend, I look down and began whispering – you didn’t even join me to his last good bye, you never lend me your shoulder to cry his death, you disappeared those first weeks, - I really didn’t mean all that, but it was to late now – so, WHY DON’T YOU DISAPPEAR AS YOU DID BEFORE AND LEAVE ME AWAY – I said and began running to the graveyard, I was crying again, from anger this time.
I sat beside Wally, and bean telling him everything that had happened over the past month.
-Oh Wally, wish you were here; I need you so much.
-I’m here Kooks, you don’t have to worry anymore, I’ll protect you, I’ll never leave you alone – the wind whispered on my ear, I knew it was Wally thou.
I stand up and kept crying hugging myself, I felt someone hugging me, I looked up, there he was, Wally.
-Wally. – I said he shushed me his warm arms around my waist, his muscular chest pressed against mine, his head resting on my shoulder, we sat down and it began raining really hard.
I fell asleep after a few moments.
The next morning
I woke up with the sun on my eyes, I incorporated to the world and stretched my self, I suddenly realize I was at the graveyard, besides me was a orange Rainbow Monkey that seemed old, Mr. Teddy, I hadn’t seen him in 8 years, Wally had stolen it. I was also covered with a baby blue blanket that once belonged to Wally, but the most unbelievable of all, was that I was wearing his tux’s jacket, the one he was wearing on his burial, I jumped out of “bed” and shook my head, I closed my eyes, and opened once again, the jacket, and the blanket had disappeared, but Mr. Teddy was still there, holding a white rose. I smiled at Wally. And took Mr. Teddy, hugging him I sat again by Wally’s grave.
Chapter 3
Memories
Sitting here by the window, with some diaries by mi side I wonder what did we do wrong, I’m remembering some of the good times we had reading my infancy diaries.
It’s finally raining, a soft rain, I have gone almost every day to visit Wally, a week after his burial, I begin going every day and spending a big part of the day sitting there by his side, the first week after his dead was the most difficult one to me, it was so hard to accept that he was forever gone, that first week I used to sleep all day, hopping that all this was just a nightmare, but it wasn’t.
The week I decided to visit Wally, the soft rain started, I keep wearing my engagement ring, I just take it off to shower, and to sleep, those times it’s on it’s box.
-DIARY ENTRY- (reading)
First day at Gallagher Elementary
Dear Diary:
Today was my first day of school at Gallagher Elementary, I’m 7 years old and I’m going to start 1st Grade, I’m wearing my favorite sweater, it’s a green one, and it once belonged to Ryoichi. He is my favorite brother; he has always been taking care of me; I’m also wearing some black denim jeans and my black Converse; I brought my purple backpack.
Takeshi is entering 3rd, and Jiro 5th, Ryoichi is on 7th, Mushi is just 2 so she is staying home.
I was walking backwards talking to my brothers, they were telling me what to do next, I’m happy we all are at the same school, Junior High, (Ryoichi’s school) is across the street, I suddenly felt someone crashing against me, ad we both fell to the ground, my brothers are already with their friends.
-Hey!- I yelled
-Watch it you cruddy girl – said a boy – I’m walking here
-SOOOOOOOOOOOORRRY, BUT YOU COULD ALSO WATCH WHERE YOU ARE WALKING TOO
-YOU WERE WALKING BACKWARDS! STUPID GIRLY GIRL
This boy was incredible weird, he is a shorty, he has a terrible bowl cut, messy blond hair, beautiful green eyes thou, he ring an orange hoodie, some baggy blue jeans and white sneakers, and a blue backpack.
-DON’T CALL ME STUPID YOU JERK!
-HEY AT LEAST I DON’T NEED BODYGUARDS TO PROTECT MYSELF – he said, that’s when I noticed my two brothers, Jiro and Takeshi (Ryoichi had already entered school) were behind me with angry looks, this by walked inside the building muttering something, and I turned around to my brothers.
-I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP! – I told them and went inside the building looking for my new homeroom.
I found the room and saw an empty desk, I walked to that seat and sat down still angry and muttering under my breath, I felt someone tapping my shoulder, and when I turned around, I couldn’t believe it, it was that boy I crashed with earlier.
-Hey – he said – hum, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier
-Hey - I said – it’s ok I wasn’t looking where I was going – it was amazingly fast how all my rage went away in a few second, he was being so nice, I knew from that very moment we would be good friends.
-BTW my name is Wallabee Beatless, but you can call me Wally
I giggled – My name is Kuki Sanban
-I like your name Kooks – he said charmingly, he is a tough he was fighting some other kids at recess as I was simply eating my lunch and hanging on the monkey bars.
We sat down together all day I hope we can be good friends forever.
-END OF DIARY ENTRY –
I smiled at my diary entry, I was so happy that day, and Wally began being my tranquilizer, after I met him I almost never felt Rage, or he fought it of me, he was really special
I kept reading my diaries, it helps me be calm and don’t cry every single minute of the day. I haven’t talk a word since he died, it’s really hard for me to talk, I just shake “yes” or “no” and wave hi and good bye, I basically use my hands to communicate the basics. I don’t even talk to Wally; I just sit down by his grave and stare to space, or lay down watching clouds pass by.
I’ve seen Takeshi following me, he never says a thing, he just makes sure I get Ok to the graveyard and to the mansion; Jiro worries about me and sends food to my room, as I just get outside to go to the graveyard; Ryoichi is always talking to my parents, something about a shrink for me, he believes that it will help me get over Wally, I know the 3 of them hated him, but they loved me and they were really hard on him since the day we met, they always watched him closely, he could never touch me harder than if I was a fragile rose, nor talk to me louder than if we were a library, he couldn’t even stare at me for a long time, not to mention personal space, he must be always at least a foot away from me, never closer.
Mushi, well, she is a complete different story, she always was complaining about me spending to much time with Wally, she seems happy about my loss right now, well, before she ran away with Sandy again, she and Sandy seemed to be happy about it, they had been dating since they were 7 and 8 respectively, that’s almost 10 years now, it’s not weird they ran away, they have done so since they began dating, and they come back after a few days, they went away after Wally’s burial, and they haven’t come back.
About the murderer, I don’t know who it was, I can’t remember a thing, and the police has no idea that Wally was murdered, it would be a scandal for his family and mine, so no one knows that Wally was murdered, except my family and his, not even our friends, they think it has a heart attack, and they just say “he was so young, how in the world did that happen?” but that’s all, they ask no questions.
I have two houses, the Big House, that’s the mansion, and there I spend summer, and holydays; and my department, my Small House, it’s right behind the dorm rooms of the college I assist. Big House is where we come in hard times to be together and solve our problems.
-DIARY ENTRY- (reading)
New Friends
It’s been a week now at Gallagher Elementary, I’ve got to know Wally, we are always talking to each other, he seems to be a bit spoiled, well I’m spoiled to, what I want I get the second I want, and he is exactly the same, but he fight his way to get things, he is always yelling to teachers, asking for new training stuff, we likes wrestling a lot, and he is a mean boy, today we were at PE and he suddenly began punching this guy with no apparent reason, I helped this other guy pushing Wally away and yelling at him with all the rage hidden in me, I know I shouldn’t be so like that, filled with rage, but I just am the way I am.
Anyway we started pushing each other and “fighting” not in the playful way we had fought I felt my rage raising again, I couldn’t control it, and then well I punched him hard on the face with my fist, and slapped him, he just stared at me with a confused look; I had never been so angry on my life.
-I HATE YOU- I said slapping him again and walking… storming away
I hope Wally forgives me of what I’ve done, and I also hope he apologizes for what he have done.
I walked to where this guy was and say
-I’ sorry, my friend is a bit impulsive
-Hi, NP, you are impulsive too
-HEY!
-No offense
-None done
-I’m Nigel Uno by the way, and she – he said pointing at an African American girl- is Abigail Lincoln
-I’m Kuki Ikary Sanban
-Ikari?- said Abby
-Yeah it’s Japanese for … hum … anger, literary
-That’s funny- said Nigel, I frowned at his remark
-Abby thinks the name fits you, but Kuki is better.
(I know I’ll be laughing at this someday I read it, but that’s how I met them, I know we are going to be good friends)
Oh yeah I’ve decided I won’t talk to Wally until he apologizes for his behavior.
-END OF DIARY ENTRY –
I smiled at this, my cheeks hurt when I do, it’s from my silent weeks I know it, I haven’t talked nor smiled for over a month now.
Sitting here by the window, with some diaries by mi side I wonder what did we do wrong, I’m remembering some of the good times we had reading my infancy diaries.
It’s finally raining, a soft rain, I have gone almost every day to visit Wally, a week after his burial, I begin going every day and spending a big part of the day sitting there by his side, the first week after his dead was the most difficult one to me, it was so hard to accept that he was forever gone, that first week I used to sleep all day, hopping that all this was just a nightmare, but it wasn’t.
The week I decided to visit Wally, the soft rain started, I keep wearing my engagement ring, I just take it off to shower, and to sleep, those times it’s on it’s box.
-DIARY ENTRY- (reading)
First day at Gallagher Elementary
Dear Diary:
Today was my first day of school at Gallagher Elementary, I’m 7 years old and I’m going to start 1st Grade, I’m wearing my favorite sweater, it’s a green one, and it once belonged to Ryoichi. He is my favorite brother; he has always been taking care of me; I’m also wearing some black denim jeans and my black Converse; I brought my purple backpack.
Takeshi is entering 3rd, and Jiro 5th, Ryoichi is on 7th, Mushi is just 2 so she is staying home.
I was walking backwards talking to my brothers, they were telling me what to do next, I’m happy we all are at the same school, Junior High, (Ryoichi’s school) is across the street, I suddenly felt someone crashing against me, ad we both fell to the ground, my brothers are already with their friends.
-Hey!- I yelled
-Watch it you cruddy girl – said a boy – I’m walking here
-SOOOOOOOOOOOORRRY, BUT YOU COULD ALSO WATCH WHERE YOU ARE WALKING TOO
-YOU WERE WALKING BACKWARDS! STUPID GIRLY GIRL
This boy was incredible weird, he is a shorty, he has a terrible bowl cut, messy blond hair, beautiful green eyes thou, he ring an orange hoodie, some baggy blue jeans and white sneakers, and a blue backpack.
-DON’T CALL ME STUPID YOU JERK!
-HEY AT LEAST I DON’T NEED BODYGUARDS TO PROTECT MYSELF – he said, that’s when I noticed my two brothers, Jiro and Takeshi (Ryoichi had already entered school) were behind me with angry looks, this by walked inside the building muttering something, and I turned around to my brothers.
-I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP! – I told them and went inside the building looking for my new homeroom.
I found the room and saw an empty desk, I walked to that seat and sat down still angry and muttering under my breath, I felt someone tapping my shoulder, and when I turned around, I couldn’t believe it, it was that boy I crashed with earlier.
-Hey – he said – hum, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier
-Hey - I said – it’s ok I wasn’t looking where I was going – it was amazingly fast how all my rage went away in a few second, he was being so nice, I knew from that very moment we would be good friends.
-BTW my name is Wallabee Beatless, but you can call me Wally
I giggled – My name is Kuki Sanban
-I like your name Kooks – he said charmingly, he is a tough he was fighting some other kids at recess as I was simply eating my lunch and hanging on the monkey bars.
We sat down together all day I hope we can be good friends forever.
-END OF DIARY ENTRY –
I smiled at my diary entry, I was so happy that day, and Wally began being my tranquilizer, after I met him I almost never felt Rage, or he fought it of me, he was really special
I kept reading my diaries, it helps me be calm and don’t cry every single minute of the day. I haven’t talk a word since he died, it’s really hard for me to talk, I just shake “yes” or “no” and wave hi and good bye, I basically use my hands to communicate the basics. I don’t even talk to Wally; I just sit down by his grave and stare to space, or lay down watching clouds pass by.
I’ve seen Takeshi following me, he never says a thing, he just makes sure I get Ok to the graveyard and to the mansion; Jiro worries about me and sends food to my room, as I just get outside to go to the graveyard; Ryoichi is always talking to my parents, something about a shrink for me, he believes that it will help me get over Wally, I know the 3 of them hated him, but they loved me and they were really hard on him since the day we met, they always watched him closely, he could never touch me harder than if I was a fragile rose, nor talk to me louder than if we were a library, he couldn’t even stare at me for a long time, not to mention personal space, he must be always at least a foot away from me, never closer.
Mushi, well, she is a complete different story, she always was complaining about me spending to much time with Wally, she seems happy about my loss right now, well, before she ran away with Sandy again, she and Sandy seemed to be happy about it, they had been dating since they were 7 and 8 respectively, that’s almost 10 years now, it’s not weird they ran away, they have done so since they began dating, and they come back after a few days, they went away after Wally’s burial, and they haven’t come back.
About the murderer, I don’t know who it was, I can’t remember a thing, and the police has no idea that Wally was murdered, it would be a scandal for his family and mine, so no one knows that Wally was murdered, except my family and his, not even our friends, they think it has a heart attack, and they just say “he was so young, how in the world did that happen?” but that’s all, they ask no questions.
I have two houses, the Big House, that’s the mansion, and there I spend summer, and holydays; and my department, my Small House, it’s right behind the dorm rooms of the college I assist. Big House is where we come in hard times to be together and solve our problems.
-DIARY ENTRY- (reading)
New Friends
It’s been a week now at Gallagher Elementary, I’ve got to know Wally, we are always talking to each other, he seems to be a bit spoiled, well I’m spoiled to, what I want I get the second I want, and he is exactly the same, but he fight his way to get things, he is always yelling to teachers, asking for new training stuff, we likes wrestling a lot, and he is a mean boy, today we were at PE and he suddenly began punching this guy with no apparent reason, I helped this other guy pushing Wally away and yelling at him with all the rage hidden in me, I know I shouldn’t be so like that, filled with rage, but I just am the way I am.
Anyway we started pushing each other and “fighting” not in the playful way we had fought I felt my rage raising again, I couldn’t control it, and then well I punched him hard on the face with my fist, and slapped him, he just stared at me with a confused look; I had never been so angry on my life.
-I HATE YOU- I said slapping him again and walking… storming away
I hope Wally forgives me of what I’ve done, and I also hope he apologizes for what he have done.
I walked to where this guy was and say
-I’ sorry, my friend is a bit impulsive
-Hi, NP, you are impulsive too
-HEY!
-No offense
-None done
-I’m Nigel Uno by the way, and she – he said pointing at an African American girl- is Abigail Lincoln
-I’m Kuki Ikary Sanban
-Ikari?- said Abby
-Yeah it’s Japanese for … hum … anger, literary
-That’s funny- said Nigel, I frowned at his remark
-Abby thinks the name fits you, but Kuki is better.
(I know I’ll be laughing at this someday I read it, but that’s how I met them, I know we are going to be good friends)
Oh yeah I’ve decided I won’t talk to Wally until he apologizes for his behavior.
-END OF DIARY ENTRY –
I smiled at this, my cheeks hurt when I do, it’s from my silent weeks I know it, I haven’t talked nor smiled for over a month now.
Chapter 2
As I finish my breakfast, I sat down by the window, the one that faces the gardens and driveway; it will probably fill my mind with memories, tons of them. It’s cloudy again, I wonder if rain will fall today… as I sit down I see my parent’s car and my brother’s car go down the driveway turn left and disappear, heading to the church.
My family likes to go every Sunday to the church, to gossip a little and to “pay” for the sins they commit all the week. I have 3 elder brothers and my baby sister, from the eldest to the youngest we are (including my parents of course), and the sin we commit, none of us is saint, so we commit sins, and the strongest are ironically part of our name:
Ryo Kin Sanban, he is my father, he is 47-years-old, and his sin is Greed, he is a tall man about 5’9”, raven black hair he wears a military style, his eyes are a deep blue, almost purple, he has a thin mustache and he always wears a nice black suit, with his always ironed white shirt, and his ugly stripped tie, blue and red, and his always polished black shoes. His name, Kin, means golden. He is always looking for a way to make more money than we already have, he is always looking for diamonds or sapphires, he buys everyone and everything that is on his way, so he basically lives in his office making money.
Genki Leiko Sanban, she is my mother, she is 45-years-old, and her sin would be Vanity (Pride) she is about 5’2”, raven black hair, always on really weird does, that make her look “elegant” and she is always wearing new dresses, I have never seen her wear one twice, after she wore them, they are on sale and some other weird ladies buy them for twice it’s original price, so my father never notices the money movement. Her name, Leiko, means arrogant, that fit’s her just right, any way, she is always gossiping at parties held in somebody’s house over here or on the other side of the world, that makes my father be happy, ‘cause that means his business will somehow grow again. She lives there at parties, but she never fails to get to church, the very first sermon and she is already there, praying.
Ryochi Yukio he is the primogenitor and, of course my eldest brother, he is 27-years-old, he was born when my mother was 18 and my father 20, don’t ask what happened there, I don’t want to know and I bet you don’t want to know, so, let’s skip that and keep on. He is really handsome, a hot looking guy, he has brown hair just like my grandmother from my father used to have, he has some sweet look on his face, just as he knew nothing about nothing and had still his innocence, he is about 6’ and he is “a dream come true”, well a last hat’s what his girlfriend’s and ex-girlfriends had said, oh yeah his sin is, Lust, and he is a double timer, he had dated five girls at the same time, worst of all, they knew, and they didn’t care. ‘Till he broke up with them… I’m surprised he hasn’t got any kids. Yukio means He gets what he wants, clearly, and Ryochi means first son of Ryo, lame. And he is 27, still single and he says marriage doesn’t fits him, I bet he is single because that way he can keep with his affairs and romantic life freely.
Jiro Ringo (don’t ask) he is the second male born, Jiro, and Ringo means Apple, so that’s just weird, his sin is Gluttony, I can’t believe the amount of food he eats, morning, noon, afternoon, night, anytime you see him, he is eating. Even thou he is skinny, I guess that’s a family thing, we all are skinny, anyway, he has silvered hair and some awesome green eves, he is 5’ 8”. He is really sweet and his wife loves to cook for him, so as you can see, he is just happy with what he have gotten. He is 25 and he had been married for 3 years now, he is childless.
Takeshi Kiyoshi, he is my elder brother, he is the youngest male, and he is very sweet too, he is about 5’ 6” and has raven black hair, I guess the two eldest got the best hair color, the next two got the best eye color, and the little one, well, we’ll get there. He has some awesome gray eyes, he is always sitting around doing nothing, he amazingly Aced all his school, his sin, Sloth, he got himself a girlfriend that, amazingly, does everything, almost, for him, I mean, if it was for him, he’d stay in bed all day long, he has a job that allows him to work from his home, and his maids are always looking after him, he is just as lazy as … well you know what I mean.
My turn, Kuki Ikari, also known as “the flirt”, not that I needed to flirt to get the boy I wanted, every one, but Wally, he wasn’t into that, or that was he said, I’m 5’4” proud of my height, I’m tall and my family is tall all of them, I have raven black hair, waist length, straight naturally, I usually wear it on a half pony tail, I’m really thin, I have deep purple eyes, and my sin, is Rage, I can explode any minute, for everything, or for nothing, I’m 21, I was a lucky-happy-go girly-girl, I was known as a bad tempered demon, I forced my way by threats and yelling, every kid my age knew that, of course, I changed when I met Wally, I became peaceful, and I stopped yelling, I only yelled at him and made him do what ever I wanted to do. I never really liked to go to church, but my mother forced me to, if I didn’t come, she would look bad, and if she looked bad, then I was facing a big sermon, and some … severe punishment. Ikari means anger.
Mushi Takako, my baby sister, she is 17, and is the baby of the family, after she was born, my mother decided to get her Fallopian trumps knotted. She is 5’ 2”, she has some brown eyes, and she had always been living on the shadows of us 4, Ryoichi is the athletic one, he has gotten loads of trophies at sports, individual and team, Jiro is the cool one, he has always had the correct attitude, Takeshi is the brainy, acing everything since kinder garden ‘till collage, winning every academic contest, every scholarship, and me, I’ve got the looks, but I had never a good attitude, you’ve guessed right, her sin, is Envy, she wants the best of all us, she got Sandy as her boyfriend, he gives her everything she needs, care, love, self esteem, everything, still I think she isn’t happy, she had always wanted to have what others have, the biggest beach ball, the biggest sand castle. Everything has been quite hard for her, she is cute, and still wears her hair on pig tails, she ran away with him a couple of years ago, they came back after a couple of days, so we guess they only went wild after some party. Takako means hawk girl; you know like the hawks that have their eye on something and will never fail to get it, that’s Mushi.
My family isn’t the best you could have, we have never been together, and we don’t know much about each other, we always had dinner together, we talked about school and work, social events, and small talk actually.
We each have a maid, a cook, a butler and a driver, we have each a car, mine is somewhere at the garage, I call my driver when I need the car, I love walking so I almost never use my car, and my driver just drives me to school and back home, just because my mother order that, other wise I’d walk. I wish I had called him on Friday; that way, Wally would still be alive.
Wallabee “Wally” Beatless, he was a really nice guy, he was 5’8” he was a sporty, just as Ryoichi, he had blond hair on a bowl cut, always messy, always covering his green eyes, he was from Australia, he was tough on the outside, we became friends when we were 7, but he meant nothing to me, nothing more than another friend I could control by my rage attacks, he soon became the only subject of my rage attacks, and he became the soft and caring guy I fell for when I was 15. He was always there for his friends, but mostly for me, I guess he some how knew what my family was. He was my knight on shinning amour. He came from a small family, which cared for each other, and knew each other perfectly well.
That’s my family, they have gone to church as every Sunday since I can remember, Ryoichi said we have always go to church, that parents have never missed one sermon, not one, well, it’s barely 9:00 am and they all started to clean their sins, I just can’t go there, I know they’ll talk about wonderful Wallabee Beatless and how he is on “greener pastures” on a “better place”.
Sitting here, I can see our favorite spot, the park’s biggest tree, that faces the lake, and had always had a wonderful atmosphere for romance and stuff, but we were always on the branches of that tree, making fun of those couples that went there to admire a sunset, unfortunately, that was where we spent our most romantic moments.
As I watch the day pass by I began remembering all kind of memories.
My family likes to go every Sunday to the church, to gossip a little and to “pay” for the sins they commit all the week. I have 3 elder brothers and my baby sister, from the eldest to the youngest we are (including my parents of course), and the sin we commit, none of us is saint, so we commit sins, and the strongest are ironically part of our name:
Ryo Kin Sanban, he is my father, he is 47-years-old, and his sin is Greed, he is a tall man about 5’9”, raven black hair he wears a military style, his eyes are a deep blue, almost purple, he has a thin mustache and he always wears a nice black suit, with his always ironed white shirt, and his ugly stripped tie, blue and red, and his always polished black shoes. His name, Kin, means golden. He is always looking for a way to make more money than we already have, he is always looking for diamonds or sapphires, he buys everyone and everything that is on his way, so he basically lives in his office making money.
Genki Leiko Sanban, she is my mother, she is 45-years-old, and her sin would be Vanity (Pride) she is about 5’2”, raven black hair, always on really weird does, that make her look “elegant” and she is always wearing new dresses, I have never seen her wear one twice, after she wore them, they are on sale and some other weird ladies buy them for twice it’s original price, so my father never notices the money movement. Her name, Leiko, means arrogant, that fit’s her just right, any way, she is always gossiping at parties held in somebody’s house over here or on the other side of the world, that makes my father be happy, ‘cause that means his business will somehow grow again. She lives there at parties, but she never fails to get to church, the very first sermon and she is already there, praying.
Ryochi Yukio he is the primogenitor and, of course my eldest brother, he is 27-years-old, he was born when my mother was 18 and my father 20, don’t ask what happened there, I don’t want to know and I bet you don’t want to know, so, let’s skip that and keep on. He is really handsome, a hot looking guy, he has brown hair just like my grandmother from my father used to have, he has some sweet look on his face, just as he knew nothing about nothing and had still his innocence, he is about 6’ and he is “a dream come true”, well a last hat’s what his girlfriend’s and ex-girlfriends had said, oh yeah his sin is, Lust, and he is a double timer, he had dated five girls at the same time, worst of all, they knew, and they didn’t care. ‘Till he broke up with them… I’m surprised he hasn’t got any kids. Yukio means He gets what he wants, clearly, and Ryochi means first son of Ryo, lame. And he is 27, still single and he says marriage doesn’t fits him, I bet he is single because that way he can keep with his affairs and romantic life freely.
Jiro Ringo (don’t ask) he is the second male born, Jiro, and Ringo means Apple, so that’s just weird, his sin is Gluttony, I can’t believe the amount of food he eats, morning, noon, afternoon, night, anytime you see him, he is eating. Even thou he is skinny, I guess that’s a family thing, we all are skinny, anyway, he has silvered hair and some awesome green eves, he is 5’ 8”. He is really sweet and his wife loves to cook for him, so as you can see, he is just happy with what he have gotten. He is 25 and he had been married for 3 years now, he is childless.
Takeshi Kiyoshi, he is my elder brother, he is the youngest male, and he is very sweet too, he is about 5’ 6” and has raven black hair, I guess the two eldest got the best hair color, the next two got the best eye color, and the little one, well, we’ll get there. He has some awesome gray eyes, he is always sitting around doing nothing, he amazingly Aced all his school, his sin, Sloth, he got himself a girlfriend that, amazingly, does everything, almost, for him, I mean, if it was for him, he’d stay in bed all day long, he has a job that allows him to work from his home, and his maids are always looking after him, he is just as lazy as … well you know what I mean.
My turn, Kuki Ikari, also known as “the flirt”, not that I needed to flirt to get the boy I wanted, every one, but Wally, he wasn’t into that, or that was he said, I’m 5’4” proud of my height, I’m tall and my family is tall all of them, I have raven black hair, waist length, straight naturally, I usually wear it on a half pony tail, I’m really thin, I have deep purple eyes, and my sin, is Rage, I can explode any minute, for everything, or for nothing, I’m 21, I was a lucky-happy-go girly-girl, I was known as a bad tempered demon, I forced my way by threats and yelling, every kid my age knew that, of course, I changed when I met Wally, I became peaceful, and I stopped yelling, I only yelled at him and made him do what ever I wanted to do. I never really liked to go to church, but my mother forced me to, if I didn’t come, she would look bad, and if she looked bad, then I was facing a big sermon, and some … severe punishment. Ikari means anger.
Mushi Takako, my baby sister, she is 17, and is the baby of the family, after she was born, my mother decided to get her Fallopian trumps knotted. She is 5’ 2”, she has some brown eyes, and she had always been living on the shadows of us 4, Ryoichi is the athletic one, he has gotten loads of trophies at sports, individual and team, Jiro is the cool one, he has always had the correct attitude, Takeshi is the brainy, acing everything since kinder garden ‘till collage, winning every academic contest, every scholarship, and me, I’ve got the looks, but I had never a good attitude, you’ve guessed right, her sin, is Envy, she wants the best of all us, she got Sandy as her boyfriend, he gives her everything she needs, care, love, self esteem, everything, still I think she isn’t happy, she had always wanted to have what others have, the biggest beach ball, the biggest sand castle. Everything has been quite hard for her, she is cute, and still wears her hair on pig tails, she ran away with him a couple of years ago, they came back after a couple of days, so we guess they only went wild after some party. Takako means hawk girl; you know like the hawks that have their eye on something and will never fail to get it, that’s Mushi.
My family isn’t the best you could have, we have never been together, and we don’t know much about each other, we always had dinner together, we talked about school and work, social events, and small talk actually.
We each have a maid, a cook, a butler and a driver, we have each a car, mine is somewhere at the garage, I call my driver when I need the car, I love walking so I almost never use my car, and my driver just drives me to school and back home, just because my mother order that, other wise I’d walk. I wish I had called him on Friday; that way, Wally would still be alive.
Wallabee “Wally” Beatless, he was a really nice guy, he was 5’8” he was a sporty, just as Ryoichi, he had blond hair on a bowl cut, always messy, always covering his green eyes, he was from Australia, he was tough on the outside, we became friends when we were 7, but he meant nothing to me, nothing more than another friend I could control by my rage attacks, he soon became the only subject of my rage attacks, and he became the soft and caring guy I fell for when I was 15. He was always there for his friends, but mostly for me, I guess he some how knew what my family was. He was my knight on shinning amour. He came from a small family, which cared for each other, and knew each other perfectly well.
That’s my family, they have gone to church as every Sunday since I can remember, Ryoichi said we have always go to church, that parents have never missed one sermon, not one, well, it’s barely 9:00 am and they all started to clean their sins, I just can’t go there, I know they’ll talk about wonderful Wallabee Beatless and how he is on “greener pastures” on a “better place”.
Sitting here, I can see our favorite spot, the park’s biggest tree, that faces the lake, and had always had a wonderful atmosphere for romance and stuff, but we were always on the branches of that tree, making fun of those couples that went there to admire a sunset, unfortunately, that was where we spent our most romantic moments.
As I watch the day pass by I began remembering all kind of memories.
Chapter 1
I’m wearing this black nightgown, on top I have a needled black sweater, I have some black tights under my dress, and some black combat boots, it’s so funny, he made me wear this dress on our first date, but I was using a black leather jacket instead, my mom gave me a black veil, my hair do, a bun, hold it so it won’t move.
He was really handsome, we is wearing a nice black tuxedo, with a bow tie and a red vest, with a black shirt, and a red handkerchief is on the tuxedo’s front pocket, I made them put a white rose too. That’s how we decided he was going to go to our wedding that was the last thing we spoke of before that mugger came and killed him.
Thinking all of this, I sat down by his grave, it has been already five hours since they all went away, they are at his house, his friends, his family, my family hated him so no one came with me, my friends, well they didn’t come either, because of some differences they had with him.
It’s 1 o’clock on the morning already, I’ve been here crying all this time, but I know it’s time to go now, rest a bit, this last two days are the most awful days of my life, yesterday, (the day he proposed) was supposed to be the happiest, the unforgettable, and it’s the saddest, and it will be really hard to forget.
I walk out from the graveyard, there’s his father waiting for me, I wonder if he stayed here all that time.
-I know it’s hard for you my dear – he says, since when has he worried about me?
-No, you don’t – I said bitterly
-Ok, maybe I don’t, I’ll take you home, streets are dangerous – he said with a smile, what is it with him? He had just buried his eldest son
-Ok – I said simply, I’m not really on the mood
He kept talking about him, how he had been a spoiled little brat until we met, we met when we were 7-years-old, that means we knew each other for 14 years, 2/3rds of our lives, I got lost on my thoughts once again, when I walked through the front door of my big house, I changed my self into something more comfortable, some black pant’s and a black and baggy T-shirt, that once belonged to him I can still smell his sense, and I want him with me, that’s the closest we can be right now, I sat down on a couch and turn on TV to feel some noise and feel someone is here with me even though I know no one is here.
I sip some hot chocolate of my big mug, when someone takes me out of my trance shaking me by the shoulders.
-Uh … oh – I said – what are you doing here?
-Abby has been here for about half an hour
-Really?
-Yeah, you went to open the door and serve some hot chocolate, but Abby bets yours is already cold
-Yes it is - I said putting my mug away – what did you say?
-You were talking dear, something about him –she said, emphasizing and spitting the word out.
-I don’t know why you hate him so much
-Easy, he hurt you hundreds of times; he deserved what happened to him
-Are you happy he is dead?
-No, Abby didn’t mean that
-Quit the third person Abby – I said bitterly
-Ok girl, now just please, pay attention to your surroundings
I had kept my eye fixed on … hum … god knows what, I was just so lost on my own thoughts that I never noticed my mom my dad, my baby sister and my best friend, Abby, were there, I noticed Abby when she shook my out of my trance, but no one else.
-Are you ready to speak about this? – My mother said, I could sense some concern on her voice.
-About what? – I said
-Your relationship with him – my dad said angrily but calmly
-Why do you despise him so much?
-‘Cause, he was a bad influence- they both, mom and dad, said
I walk to my room – I don’t want to talk right now – I said It’s 2:30 am so there’s no point on being awake – I’ll get some sleep – I walked to my room and sat down on my bed, I’m currently playing with the velvet box where my wedding ring rests, I’m just putting it inside the velvet box because that way it can be … sacred, I guess.
I lay down on my bed, I’m hugging my pillow, I know it won’t make me safe, but, at least that’s something I can hug, I feel tears steaming my face as I’m drifting to slumber, and start sleeping peacefully.
I was walking down the aisle of a church, I look down at myself, and I’m wearing a beautiful white dress, 3/4rds sleeves, white veil, long tail, you know a princess kind of dress, I look ahead to the end of the aisle there is him, with his colorful eyes, with his messy hair, full of life. I ran down the aisle throwing my bouquet of white roses to the side, I hug him, and with a low voice he whispers on my ear.
-I’m sorry sweetheart; we can’t do this any longer, I’m sorry I’m haunting your dream.
I pull away and see the white of his eyes yellowish, a trail of blood on the side of his head, his messy blond hair, dry and falling down, his jaw falling weirdly making him look horrid, his soft baby skin is now rotten, a little spider climbs down his nostril, the left one, his hands that once were soft, and warm, are now cold and bony, I cant scream, I just see him while he is becoming into dust and being carried away by the wind.
I wake cold sweating, with my mouth dry and I began to cry once more, until I finally get to sleep once more. A bit, I don’t want to dream so I try not to.
Morning comes and I woke as the sun rises, incredibly I only slept 5 hours, I began my daily routine, hopping all that happened two days ago is just a dream and he is still alive, hoping the proposal was just a fantasy, but as I see my night desk with the velvet box, I know he is dead, I’m showering right now, I’m feeling the hot drops of water run down my body, the steam is flooding my bathroom, and I’m just standing down my shower, lost in deep thought.
-HONEY!! – I hear my mom scream – GET OUT OF THE SHOWER ALREADY
-Yes mom – I say lowly, my throat aches, I feel a big knot on it – I’m coming
As I stepped out of my bathroom, wearing black denim jeans, and a black blouse, I see my mom holding a tray with breakfast
-I think you are willing to be locked in your room for a while, - she says lovingly – you can’t starve yourself, so I’m bringing meals to you, if you want Rose to bring them I’ll tell her to do, since I think you don’t want to talk to any of us. – Rose is my maid, she helps me with my duties, cleaning and stuff.
-Thanks mom, please tell Rose to bring them in – I say as I began to eat, I didn’t want to, but as the first thing goes into my mouth I feel the hunger jump into my body, I hadn’t eat since that horrid day he was killed, it’s Sunday today.
-We’ll be going to the church in a couple of hours if you want to come.
-No thanks – I say while playing with my breakfast – I’ll better stay here
-Ok honey
She walks away closing the door behind her, leaving me to think once more.
He was really handsome, we is wearing a nice black tuxedo, with a bow tie and a red vest, with a black shirt, and a red handkerchief is on the tuxedo’s front pocket, I made them put a white rose too. That’s how we decided he was going to go to our wedding that was the last thing we spoke of before that mugger came and killed him.
Thinking all of this, I sat down by his grave, it has been already five hours since they all went away, they are at his house, his friends, his family, my family hated him so no one came with me, my friends, well they didn’t come either, because of some differences they had with him.
It’s 1 o’clock on the morning already, I’ve been here crying all this time, but I know it’s time to go now, rest a bit, this last two days are the most awful days of my life, yesterday, (the day he proposed) was supposed to be the happiest, the unforgettable, and it’s the saddest, and it will be really hard to forget.
I walk out from the graveyard, there’s his father waiting for me, I wonder if he stayed here all that time.
-I know it’s hard for you my dear – he says, since when has he worried about me?
-No, you don’t – I said bitterly
-Ok, maybe I don’t, I’ll take you home, streets are dangerous – he said with a smile, what is it with him? He had just buried his eldest son
-Ok – I said simply, I’m not really on the mood
He kept talking about him, how he had been a spoiled little brat until we met, we met when we were 7-years-old, that means we knew each other for 14 years, 2/3rds of our lives, I got lost on my thoughts once again, when I walked through the front door of my big house, I changed my self into something more comfortable, some black pant’s and a black and baggy T-shirt, that once belonged to him I can still smell his sense, and I want him with me, that’s the closest we can be right now, I sat down on a couch and turn on TV to feel some noise and feel someone is here with me even though I know no one is here.
I sip some hot chocolate of my big mug, when someone takes me out of my trance shaking me by the shoulders.
-Uh … oh – I said – what are you doing here?
-Abby has been here for about half an hour
-Really?
-Yeah, you went to open the door and serve some hot chocolate, but Abby bets yours is already cold
-Yes it is - I said putting my mug away – what did you say?
-You were talking dear, something about him –she said, emphasizing and spitting the word out.
-I don’t know why you hate him so much
-Easy, he hurt you hundreds of times; he deserved what happened to him
-Are you happy he is dead?
-No, Abby didn’t mean that
-Quit the third person Abby – I said bitterly
-Ok girl, now just please, pay attention to your surroundings
I had kept my eye fixed on … hum … god knows what, I was just so lost on my own thoughts that I never noticed my mom my dad, my baby sister and my best friend, Abby, were there, I noticed Abby when she shook my out of my trance, but no one else.
-Are you ready to speak about this? – My mother said, I could sense some concern on her voice.
-About what? – I said
-Your relationship with him – my dad said angrily but calmly
-Why do you despise him so much?
-‘Cause, he was a bad influence- they both, mom and dad, said
I walk to my room – I don’t want to talk right now – I said It’s 2:30 am so there’s no point on being awake – I’ll get some sleep – I walked to my room and sat down on my bed, I’m currently playing with the velvet box where my wedding ring rests, I’m just putting it inside the velvet box because that way it can be … sacred, I guess.
I lay down on my bed, I’m hugging my pillow, I know it won’t make me safe, but, at least that’s something I can hug, I feel tears steaming my face as I’m drifting to slumber, and start sleeping peacefully.
I was walking down the aisle of a church, I look down at myself, and I’m wearing a beautiful white dress, 3/4rds sleeves, white veil, long tail, you know a princess kind of dress, I look ahead to the end of the aisle there is him, with his colorful eyes, with his messy hair, full of life. I ran down the aisle throwing my bouquet of white roses to the side, I hug him, and with a low voice he whispers on my ear.
-I’m sorry sweetheart; we can’t do this any longer, I’m sorry I’m haunting your dream.
I pull away and see the white of his eyes yellowish, a trail of blood on the side of his head, his messy blond hair, dry and falling down, his jaw falling weirdly making him look horrid, his soft baby skin is now rotten, a little spider climbs down his nostril, the left one, his hands that once were soft, and warm, are now cold and bony, I cant scream, I just see him while he is becoming into dust and being carried away by the wind.
I wake cold sweating, with my mouth dry and I began to cry once more, until I finally get to sleep once more. A bit, I don’t want to dream so I try not to.
Morning comes and I woke as the sun rises, incredibly I only slept 5 hours, I began my daily routine, hopping all that happened two days ago is just a dream and he is still alive, hoping the proposal was just a fantasy, but as I see my night desk with the velvet box, I know he is dead, I’m showering right now, I’m feeling the hot drops of water run down my body, the steam is flooding my bathroom, and I’m just standing down my shower, lost in deep thought.
-HONEY!! – I hear my mom scream – GET OUT OF THE SHOWER ALREADY
-Yes mom – I say lowly, my throat aches, I feel a big knot on it – I’m coming
As I stepped out of my bathroom, wearing black denim jeans, and a black blouse, I see my mom holding a tray with breakfast
-I think you are willing to be locked in your room for a while, - she says lovingly – you can’t starve yourself, so I’m bringing meals to you, if you want Rose to bring them I’ll tell her to do, since I think you don’t want to talk to any of us. – Rose is my maid, she helps me with my duties, cleaning and stuff.
-Thanks mom, please tell Rose to bring them in – I say as I began to eat, I didn’t want to, but as the first thing goes into my mouth I feel the hunger jump into my body, I hadn’t eat since that horrid day he was killed, it’s Sunday today.
-We’ll be going to the church in a couple of hours if you want to come.
-No thanks – I say while playing with my breakfast – I’ll better stay here
-Ok honey
She walks away closing the door behind her, leaving me to think once more.
Ikari
Prologue
It was an amazing date, we had been walking by the seashore; we had been dating for three years now, and we were there by sunset, a breathtaking sunset actually. He suddenly kneeled in front of me, taking my hand in his, he proposed to me giving me a small velvet box while opening it slowly, I saw there was a golden ring with a huge diamond. It was an amazing moment; I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. He pulled me into a hug and gave me an exquisite kiss as I said I do.It’s funny it always rains when we are at a romantic moment, and this time wasn’t the exception, incredibly it started to pour right then as we were hugging.
They all said our relationship was just a major crush, but we proved them wrong. Unfortunately that was the last time I saw him alive, our bad luck is just incredible, we had fought everything, to make or relationship stable, we fought against our families, our friends, our differences.
That was an horrid day, I saw how they killed him, right in front of me, a mugger intercepted us as we were walking back to my place, he stood up against him, protecting me … I don’t really want to remember what happened after that, anyhow, the mugger pulled out a pole, and hit him several times, after a while he fell down dead and the mugger disappeared on the darkness of the night.
Here I am at his burial, thinking, playing with my engagement ring, thinking of my wedding, the wedding I’ll never have.
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