I’m wearing this black nightgown, on top I have a needled black sweater, I have some black tights under my dress, and some black combat boots, it’s so funny, he made me wear this dress on our first date, but I was using a black leather jacket instead, my mom gave me a black veil, my hair do, a bun, hold it so it won’t move.
He was really handsome, we is wearing a nice black tuxedo, with a bow tie and a red vest, with a black shirt, and a red handkerchief is on the tuxedo’s front pocket, I made them put a white rose too. That’s how we decided he was going to go to our wedding that was the last thing we spoke of before that mugger came and killed him.
Thinking all of this, I sat down by his grave, it has been already five hours since they all went away, they are at his house, his friends, his family, my family hated him so no one came with me, my friends, well they didn’t come either, because of some differences they had with him.
It’s 1 o’clock on the morning already, I’ve been here crying all this time, but I know it’s time to go now, rest a bit, this last two days are the most awful days of my life, yesterday, (the day he proposed) was supposed to be the happiest, the unforgettable, and it’s the saddest, and it will be really hard to forget.
I walk out from the graveyard, there’s his father waiting for me, I wonder if he stayed here all that time.
-I know it’s hard for you my dear – he says, since when has he worried about me?
-No, you don’t – I said bitterly
-Ok, maybe I don’t, I’ll take you home, streets are dangerous – he said with a smile, what is it with him? He had just buried his eldest son
-Ok – I said simply, I’m not really on the mood
He kept talking about him, how he had been a spoiled little brat until we met, we met when we were 7-years-old, that means we knew each other for 14 years, 2/3rds of our lives, I got lost on my thoughts once again, when I walked through the front door of my big house, I changed my self into something more comfortable, some black pant’s and a black and baggy T-shirt, that once belonged to him I can still smell his sense, and I want him with me, that’s the closest we can be right now, I sat down on a couch and turn on TV to feel some noise and feel someone is here with me even though I know no one is here.
I sip some hot chocolate of my big mug, when someone takes me out of my trance shaking me by the shoulders.
-Uh … oh – I said – what are you doing here?
-Abby has been here for about half an hour
-Really?
-Yeah, you went to open the door and serve some hot chocolate, but Abby bets yours is already cold
-Yes it is - I said putting my mug away – what did you say?
-You were talking dear, something about him –she said, emphasizing and spitting the word out.
-I don’t know why you hate him so much
-Easy, he hurt you hundreds of times; he deserved what happened to him
-Are you happy he is dead?
-No, Abby didn’t mean that
-Quit the third person Abby – I said bitterly
-Ok girl, now just please, pay attention to your surroundings
I had kept my eye fixed on … hum … god knows what, I was just so lost on my own thoughts that I never noticed my mom my dad, my baby sister and my best friend, Abby, were there, I noticed Abby when she shook my out of my trance, but no one else.
-Are you ready to speak about this? – My mother said, I could sense some concern on her voice.
-About what? – I said
-Your relationship with him – my dad said angrily but calmly
-Why do you despise him so much?
-‘Cause, he was a bad influence- they both, mom and dad, said
I walk to my room – I don’t want to talk right now – I said It’s 2:30 am so there’s no point on being awake – I’ll get some sleep – I walked to my room and sat down on my bed, I’m currently playing with the velvet box where my wedding ring rests, I’m just putting it inside the velvet box because that way it can be … sacred, I guess.
I lay down on my bed, I’m hugging my pillow, I know it won’t make me safe, but, at least that’s something I can hug, I feel tears steaming my face as I’m drifting to slumber, and start sleeping peacefully.
I was walking down the aisle of a church, I look down at myself, and I’m wearing a beautiful white dress, 3/4rds sleeves, white veil, long tail, you know a princess kind of dress, I look ahead to the end of the aisle there is him, with his colorful eyes, with his messy hair, full of life. I ran down the aisle throwing my bouquet of white roses to the side, I hug him, and with a low voice he whispers on my ear.
-I’m sorry sweetheart; we can’t do this any longer, I’m sorry I’m haunting your dream.
I pull away and see the white of his eyes yellowish, a trail of blood on the side of his head, his messy blond hair, dry and falling down, his jaw falling weirdly making him look horrid, his soft baby skin is now rotten, a little spider climbs down his nostril, the left one, his hands that once were soft, and warm, are now cold and bony, I cant scream, I just see him while he is becoming into dust and being carried away by the wind.
I wake cold sweating, with my mouth dry and I began to cry once more, until I finally get to sleep once more. A bit, I don’t want to dream so I try not to.
Morning comes and I woke as the sun rises, incredibly I only slept 5 hours, I began my daily routine, hopping all that happened two days ago is just a dream and he is still alive, hoping the proposal was just a fantasy, but as I see my night desk with the velvet box, I know he is dead, I’m showering right now, I’m feeling the hot drops of water run down my body, the steam is flooding my bathroom, and I’m just standing down my shower, lost in deep thought.
-HONEY!! – I hear my mom scream – GET OUT OF THE SHOWER ALREADY
-Yes mom – I say lowly, my throat aches, I feel a big knot on it – I’m coming
As I stepped out of my bathroom, wearing black denim jeans, and a black blouse, I see my mom holding a tray with breakfast
-I think you are willing to be locked in your room for a while, - she says lovingly – you can’t starve yourself, so I’m bringing meals to you, if you want Rose to bring them I’ll tell her to do, since I think you don’t want to talk to any of us. – Rose is my maid, she helps me with my duties, cleaning and stuff.
-Thanks mom, please tell Rose to bring them in – I say as I began to eat, I didn’t want to, but as the first thing goes into my mouth I feel the hunger jump into my body, I hadn’t eat since that horrid day he was killed, it’s Sunday today.
-We’ll be going to the church in a couple of hours if you want to come.
-No thanks – I say while playing with my breakfast – I’ll better stay here
-Ok honey
She walks away closing the door behind her, leaving me to think once more.
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